Lazy Can Be Your Self-Care

Being Lazy Doesn’t Have to be Shameful

Lazy can be exactly what you need!  Lazy can be one of the best self-care tools out there….for some!

After 40 years I have come to the conclusion that Laziness is not a horrible shameful activity. Being lazy can be what you need after a long day. However, rocking the lazy after an unproductive day (or week) is the not the same thing.

Over the last couple of weeks I have heard the reference to “I am lazy” by my kids, my clients, and myself….however in all three cases they all translated into very different types of lazy.

Whatcha Doing? Answer – “I Am Being Lazy”

“I am being lazy” — what comes to mind when you hear this statement?

Do you think: Lucky them? or Typical? or maybe Get off your Ass?

“I am being Lazy” is a common description used when we are choosing to do nothing productive. For some the tone and intention of the statement sounds shameful and embarrassed. For others it is confident and defiant. And then there is the ‘lazy is my norm’ tone.

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I hear and physically see ‘lazy’ too often from my kids – the term is thrown around with pride and entitlement.

With my clients – I hear it too sometimes as an excuse or a shame moment when they are describing their accomplishments for the week.

I get confused on sometimes defining my own justification for being lazy, or if what I am doing is really considered lazy or maybe it is actually self-care moment?

When I tell my friends (or the Husband) that “I am being Lazy” there is a damn good chance that just prior to that statement I had been running at 110% capacity and completed more than I thought I was capable of in one day. So why do I feel shame when I tell someone “I am being Lazy”? Why do I have to quickly justify my state of laziness with a list of all the tasks I had completed before my laziness?

Two Forms of Lazy – As Defined by Jen

Lazy-Lazy: When someone has been and continues to be unproductive both mentally and physically. Lazy is their frequent consistent active state – a state of consistent unproductiveness.

Earned Lazy: The ‘I worked my butt off and I deserve some downtime’. This could be perceived to be an act of lazy-lazy however I full disagree. This perception is BS – I feel (yes feel) we are shaming ourselves when we are stating/justifying we are being in lazy – when in fact we have earned a time out, a break, or self care. We have earned the right to be lazy! We have earned the opportunity to be chill the fwk out.

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Heads up – Warning: I am putting my kids on display – #sorrynotsorry – as I am pretty sure most parents could relate. However, the point is not to ‘throw them under the bus’ per se (okay maybe just a little lol)....this is for story telling purposes.

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My Kids – Current Age 11 & 14

When I think of defining laziness in my kids I am reminded (daily) when they are lying on the couch asking ME to bring them something to eat.  They are looking for a la carte kitchen-to-couch VIP service.  Or they are asking ME to run upstairs to get them their stuff because their shoes are already on – you know the ‘slip on and off kind, the ones that have laces but are never used’.  The ‘cram your feet in until you wiggle them so hard the shoes miraculously pop on in under 2 seconds’. 🤦‍♀️

Now don’t get me wrong – most of the time I will challenge my kids “Why can’t you do it?”  But here is the funny part – a lot of the time their excuse is “I am lazy” – or too keep it even simpler “Laziness”. They just don’t want to.

I am not proud to say – but they legit own their laziness (Lazy-Lazy).  They use it has their reason or justification for their un-entitled VIP service requests.

Every so often they will throw out the excuse ‘but mom my leg is broken‘ – and of course it is not!

What are you thinking right now??

Spoiled Brats first comes to my mind – quickly followed by my own guilt as I I created these adorable precious beasts and supported their unjustifiable laziness complexes. 

Here’s the truth – As Mom – and as a slight control freak – it was (is) always easier for me to just gett’er done on my own vs. to wait for them.  I can unload and load a dishwasher at undocumented record breaking speeds – just sayin’.

My Parenting Moment:

I feel like I am not alone in this situation.  As parents we take the so-called “easy route” by doing the work for the children because we don’t have time for their melt downs or diva drama moments.  We feel more capable to complete the tasks faster to find that missing shoe, or without spillage pour a bowl of cereal. We just do the tasks for our own sake.  I am not shaming you or I – time is precious, and so is our sanity. 

But let’s get back to focusing on the beasts – I mean my children’s laziness!

Turning the Tables – Teachable Moment??

I recently asked myself – What did my kids do to earn the right to TRY and play their so-called entitled lazy VIP card?

Is it my fault??

As they have gotten older and much more physically able to do EVERYTHING I still push back 90% of the time for them to complete the tasks…..that 10% I hold on to for my own sanity.

But getting back to the question – What did my kids do to earn the right to TRY and play their so-called entitled lazy-lazy VIP card?

Did they??

• Vacuum the house
• Do ONE load of laundry – and put it all away
• Proactively empty the dishwasher
• Completed a shift at work (blahahah – they don’t work). 
• Bad day at school
• Friendship drama
• Maybe they did ‘break their leg’ and can’t get up……not!
• Or they have been studying for their exams and need a break.

For my kids specifically – when they are asking for VIP service support – NONE of the above has been on the radar.

Whine Wine Whine

Okay Okay Jen – What then is considered for them being productive for your kids?? How could they earn their own access to the lazy card?

Productive & Lazy-Card Kids

Okay here is where it gets confusing – in the examples below I outline out how active and productive my kids can be – but that ACTUALLY doesn’t qualify for them to play the lazy-lazy card. They can be lazy (a chill out moment), but they can’t and should not expect me to accept their lazy card.

Example Winter: My kids can pull off playing hockey outdoors for over 2 hours in -26 (crazy town I know), and then pick up a quick game of street hockey, and then beg to go tobogganing because they are now bored.

Example Summer: The kids will play up to SIX hours of tennis, go for an epic bike ride, maybe a quick swim, and then around 9 pm tell me they are bored…and ask me what could they do now….are you kidding me?? I am exhausted from just thinking of their day.

Needless to say energy is not an issue.  I recognize the examples above do not relate to performing any household chores . However, in my own definition they were productive – they were active. They were engaging with friends, playing, experimenting with rules, and being ‘kids’. But will this get the VIP service? No!!

If they can be this active and productive in their social scene – they can do more at home. Do they get to be lazy after all that activity – yes, but if they can pull epic days like that they can get off the couch vs. asking me for assistance. I may not ask them to vacuum the house, but I do expect them to get off the couch and come to the table.

Just sayin’

Lesson Learned:

• As parents we need to back down on our perceived OCD and let them take forever and be sloppy in the tasks we assign.
• Kids have the energy to help and we need to teach them to help out – and not own their lazy card. 
• We have to stop being enablers …. this is a tough one!
• We have to give them opportunities to earn their lazy-card.

Man it took me a long time to get to the moral of the kids lazy story….now on to us adults (over the age of 18—and maybe even younger).

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The Grown-UP Laziness / Self-Care

Think about the past 24 hours and what you have accomplished.

Did you complete some of the following….partially counts too:

All of the above are some sort of examples of being productive – mentally and physically. Honestly I am betting you may have pulled off at least two of the items in some capacity. 

Guess what??!!!

You have earned your so-called lazy card!!! You earned the right to sit down and potentially do nothing…maybe binge watch a few episodes of Game of Thrones? Nap? Read a book? Do nothing?

LAZY vs Self-Care

After a productive day and your couch is calling your name – do you really think you are truly being lazy by chilllin’ out?

Actually – I don’t think you are! What I think you are doing is playing the self-care card. You are in fact giving yourself a well deserve break – a time out – a self-care moment.

Self-care is defined differently for everyone – we are all different in what resets us.

UnProductive – The True Lazy-Lazy

Okay but Jen “I did stuff around the house – doesn’t that count?”

First off – Are you about to provide me excuses to why you were or were not productive? Or are you about to tell me about the list from above you did around the house? Be careful in your answer…..

As your friend/coach I am happy to award you with a “Earned Lazy self-care card”, but heads up I would suggest the following activities below may not be ‘enough’ to consider being productive… #sorrynotsorry

Here is some examples of – from what I define – as unproductive’ish:

Now the list above could look familiar to all of us – BUT when this is a consistent routine in all you do in your day – then there is no true productivity that is challenging you both mentally and physically…..it is more sustainment. Sustainment is good – but I feel (back to feelings) you need more.

If you add two items from LIST A (ex: worked at a job and made dinner), with items from LIST B (fed the pets and took out the trash) I would consider this a productive day => Earned Lazy (ie. Self-Care moment).

If someone tells me they were lazy – I am all for it, but ONLY if you have earned it.  Also – when I hear the word lazy I assume you have put in your ‘time’ and your reward to yourself is to chill out…..exploring self-care activities.

Lessons Learned: 

• Do not shame your laziness if you have earned time to chill out – and no you don’t have to justify all that you did to earn your laziness….own it if you deserve it.
• Let’s change the language of ‘I am being lazy’ to ‘I am taking a break’, or better yet ‘I am taking a self-care moment’.
• Binge watching 10 Seasons of Friends in one weekend could be considered a self-care….you earned it (I hope).
• Completing a full day of sustainment – without any personal or professional development could be considered the unhealthy lazy.

Final Thought: Are you choosing to be lazy? Based on the above information are you going to change the way you consider your lazy, or are you going to up your game to earn your lazy?

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Small Productive Things to do to Earn your Lazy – Self-Care

For some – I get it – it is hard to get out of the routine of being unproductive. The daily habit of sustainment is the norm and can be a challenge for health reasons…but I would like to encourage you to start making some small (or medium size) steps into being more productive both mentally and physically.

Change won’t happen over night – you are going to have to work on it. Consistency and effort is learned positive habits.

Here are some suggestions for those looking to start making positive active change to their productivity:

• First off – update your resume – or hire resume coach.
  • Register your resume on a job posting site.
• Take a class exploring a hobby / interest (cooking, photography, art, yoga….).
  • Look to your community or city leisure guides for inspiration.
• Get Physical – Start with taking a walk around the block daily; in week or two expand to two or three blocks….or more.
• Reach out to a friend or family member to meet for coffee once a week. Start a social routine.
• Volunteer – Senior Centres, Animal Shelters, Community Centres, local events are always looking for more volunteers. Find an event that interests you.
  • Volunteering is a great way to into structure/schedule, as well as being accountable to a responsibility outside your home.
• Organize a drawer, a closet or a room in your home.
• Disconnect from any online gaming – give yourself a break.

If you are having trouble kick starting your productivity please give me a call and let’s talk about a game plan that could work for you. Everyone’s situation is different – there is no one-and-done solution. Having an accountability side-kick might be the missing piece to keep consistent and motivated to move forward.

📷 Credits: Unsplash – @nikarthur, @lennonsdaughter, @petibalt, @all_who_wander