Three simple words, and yet one very powerful question!
Through out my career as I have been getting to know my team(s) and clients by using this powerful, yet simple, question.
There is an art to asking this question – it is very personal, a little forward, and sometimes a pandora’s box. This isn’t a question to be asked like ‘Hi my name is Jen, are you happy?’ It doesn’t EVER work this way – and should never be used like as an ice breaker question. There is a strategy to the question – it has to be strategically positioned at the right time and with the greatest of sensitivity, trust, and authenticity. It takes time to get to this point to ask this question.
So why the hype about this question?
My experience is when the question is asked – work or personal – the individual will go straight to the typical ‘everything is fabulous – totally happy’ – fake it till you make it response (note – I was a pro at this response). What a great response right? Reality is no – no it is not.
Have you met anyone that is absolutely and positively happy with their job, their role, their relationship, or in general? Think of yourself right here and now — are you 100% happy? I bet you be surprised with your answer. But if you are 100% happy though – what’s your secret??
Getting to Know You
When I am first meeting anyone they are each in a state of being naturally ‘on guard’ – we all do this. We are protecting ourselves from the unknown – this is normal and natural. As part of society we want to be welcoming – we want to put our best foot/impression forward (or so I hope). But the reality is we are on guard and we are not showing our true self — our true self comes with trust (eventually if earned). Which makes me realize this question of ‘are you happy’ is so very important.
Reactions to the Question!
The first reaction to the question is always interesting – but it is the reflection answer where I want my audience to go to. These answers usually come hours or days later. This is where I want our relationship to begin.
Over the years I have head the reflection answers….
- “You threw me off — and I can’t stop thinking of this question”
- “Why did you ask me this question?”
- “Honestly I am not happy about x”
- “Can we talk more about my happiness – I have some concerns that I want to talk about”
- “I need help”
- “I am happy, but not at x…..”
- “I want more”
- “I am truly happy!”
Ask yourself again – ‘Are you happy?’ Let the question ponder in your mind. Go for a walk and think about it – don’t rush the answer (please). If you find something in your life that you are truly unhappy about question two is now your homework:
What are you going to do about it?
Have a great day everyone!
Thank you for all the positive feedback on the website — feeling the love!
Jen – Coach and Friend
