The Comparison Game
I was at Yin Yang Yoga last night. My trip to the studio had two purposes – I needed to get re-centered mentally, and I needed heat (so damn cold here!!) Yin Yanging is not about a fully body work out — it is all stretching and namastaying (not a real word).
During my yoga practises I really try and focus on my breathing – and not what may be floating around in my mind. I hang on every word of the instructor to help manage my thoughts…..this is more of a challenge than the poses.
Yoga Instructors Instructions: Close Your Eyes
But her eyes are closed — I bet she isn’t thinking ….. ‘I wonder what others are doing right now?’
I was blown away by this simple, yet so powerful, message of the instructor asking us ALL to close our eyes. Sounds simple enough – zening out. But this was different – she went on to say that ‘when we close our eyes we avoid the temptation of comparing ourselves to others.’ Of course – cause our eyes are closed!!
But here was the clincher moment – she went on to say / remind us that ‘we avoid finding personal shame that we aren’t as good as others that are around us, or the reverse – the validation that we are better than others’.
OMG Moment.
She went to a side of the conversation that I didn’t even consider. The idea was that keeping our eyes open we also may be looking for validation that we are better than others. I would assume we don’t do that – but in reality it is happening all the time and we consider this normal behavior/feelings.
FULL STOP moment for me!
My Own Story
In the past I avoided participating in classes like this, mainly because I felt shame that I wasn’t able to perform even at the average class level. Or the assumption that if I took this class that I was working towards being the instructor – which I wasn’t!!
Today I love love going to Yoga. I am so proud of myself for just showing up at the class. I really don’t care if I am bottom of the barrel or average. I am there! That being said, I have never looked at myself as attempting to show off, or to prove that I was better than others….but there are people in the class that I have thought (okay judged – assumed) that is exactly what they are doing…showing off (bad jen!).
Message Realization!
When the Instructor asked us ALL to close our eyes and to focus on YOU – it was my moment of Ah Ha!
We all need to slow down and close our eyes in our private lives and in our job worlds; to stop seeking competition outside of our personal goals.
Our focus should be on our own abilities and strengths. Duh Moment. We need to stop comparing ourselves to those around us.
Okay Okay this is a common theme in today’s mindful world. Seriously, are we doing this enough today in our daily lives? Are we really closing our eyes and focusing on our own personal level or measurements of successes and achievements?
I bet not.
How can we close our eyes when they are open?
Try catching yourself and stop this thinking / seeing in your daily life:
Personal Life
- Comparing career and schooling paths.
- Monitoring friends and celebrities social engagements – vacations, weekend activities, and parties attended/involved in .
- Relationship status and assumed perceptions.
- What car your friends or family are driving.
- Body sizes – weight, body fat, muscle ratio and boob sizes.
- Personal images – brows, lips, tucks, nips, highlights, nails, shoes, bags, brands, jewelry, omg the list is endless!!
Parenting Life
- General comparisons – I am just as guilty as the next parent.
- Justifying the choices we make to others – heads up – they are not asking.
- Schedule – who’s is busier.
- How many activities your kids are registered in.
- Stalking Instagram and Pinterest posts – #Dictator-lunch
Business World
- Salary & Years of service.
- Level of responsibilities.
- # of friends (yes people count).
- Hours logged at work – start and end times.
- # of presentations performed.
- Sales results, Client counts or portfolio size — does size matter?
- # of vacation days not taken (ugg).
- Face time with with the Boss – just sayin this might not be the most effective use of anyone’s time.
We need to close our eyes and focus on our OWN accomplishments of personal level of success and be happy with what we can or have achieved. We need to push ourselves based on our own measures, and not the accomplishments of others. External sources may influence our goals, but they should not be setting or defining our goals – that is your Job to do.
Now Close Your Eyes….
Where ever you are right now – close your eyes and think about what YOU are doing right now.
What do you have to lose?
Take 2-5 minutes and give this exercise a try. Please try to not go down the comparison route – compare you to YOU and YOUR expectations of YOU.
…Without comparison to others
- Are happy with what YOU are doing right now.
- Is there something YOU could be doing better for YOU.
- Would YOU like to make a change – and why?
- Would YOU want to keep doing what you are doing – does it bring you Joy (lol)?
- What motivates YOU?
- Could YOU being doing something more productive with YOUR time and energy?
- Where do YOU want to invest your energy and focus?
- What is your measurement of personal success – life and career?
So How did it go?
I hope you were able to ‘see’ a difference in YOU when YOU are not comparing or competing with others.
Were YOU able to get past the comparison to others? If you were not – that’s okay – but now you have another set of questions to ask yourself…..Why?
Have a Great Day Friends –
Jen
Photo Credits – Unsplash: Form ; Fábio Alves ; Fernanda Méndez; Chase Chenevert; Amandine Lerbscher ; Etty Fidele
