by Watching the Bad Leader(s)
Over twenty years I have racked up a lot of interesting gems of career stories and experiences – we all have. I have some super ‘good’ ones, a few ‘bad’ ones, and OMG I can’t believe this happened ‘ugly’ stories. But through all these stories I have learned how to be a GREAT Leader – and I have learned what NOT as a GREAT Leader.
Battle Scars
My stories/gems that are ‘bad’ and ‘ugly’ I have always called my ‘battle scars’ and I wear them proudly. Each scar represents a story that was hard/tough/discouraging, but then also very motivating, empowering and = developmental – and clearly memorable. Is that what you call a double edge sword ??
In thinking of this first post I came to the realization that the good / positive experience stories were harder to drum up to share – they are aren’t as dramatic as the bad/ugly ones. Also – when telling the ‘good’ stories it sounds (or feels) like I am ‘bragging’ or acting pompous and will be judged as self-centered – so I personally have avoided telling these stories over the years.
And let’s face it the ugly stories are more ‘fun’ to tell – and I would assume more interesting to hear.
Side Note: Mind Blowing Realization
It is so funny and desperately sad to think that we avoid telling the good stories for fear of judgement. When it comes to the bad and ugly stories we crave telling them frequently – hence the battle scar (a sign of bravery maybe??) We want to find validation that what happened was wrong or gain sympathy or a call out for empathy. We make ourselves so vulnerable with the shit stories but hold back the happier ones for fear of being too vulnerable.
Why do we fear being so vulnerable with the good stories? Don’t answer – know we just need to change this perspective.
Anyways – focus Jen!
Career Lesson: How I learned to become a GREAT Leader (a good story)
In recent years I have been frequently asked ‘What makes (made) you/me a GREAT Leader; How did you learn to be a great leader? What’s your secret?’
My first reaction to this question is usually: Who me? Really? No! Wow. Thank you? Awkward. And is this a joke? Why?
Subconsciously I was like ‘HELL YEAH I am – but I can’t tell anyone that cause that would sound horrible!’
After the awkwardness I would answer this questions with the most cheeky reply – and yes I always led with the words of ‘okay so this is going to sound cheesy and I don’t want to offend anyone but…….’
….so here is my vulnerable moment……
To be a GREAT leader I had to learn from the BAD Leaders
I learned what NOT to do by watching BAD Leaders. As well I listened to my intuition and let it guide me to what was right.
This took time and patience — and a few battle scars ☠️. I was constantly watching and learning from all types of Leaders…but the Bad ones were the most fun and tough to learn from.
So many Leaders want you to practice what they preach — which is hard to manage around when they are your direct Leader or the most senior of senior Leader in a Company. As much as your Leaders want you succeed – I hope – they also want to prove their beliefs and/or methods work in their own leadership style.
Trying to learn what works for you, and building your own beliefs, can be cluttered with so much advice and/or direction from others.
What I Witnessed in Bad Leaders
From a far, and up close, I watched so many Leaders make mistakes – and not own them. I witnessed Leaders make hurtful decisions for their team(s), with the intent for personal success. It was hard to learn and watch what I believed to be Bad decisions in Leadership – to watch your peers feel unworthy, not supported, or not developed. At the time it was probably happening to me too, but it is easier to see out than to see in.
Witnessing what I believed were errors, mistakes, and bad decisions in their leadership style taught me so much — sorry folks — these were some of the best learning moments in my life (#sorrynotsorry). To be honest though at the time I may not have seen this as a bad leadership style – it was usually later on when the outcome didn’t outline with my personal beliefs.
In order to be a GREAT Leader I knew I had to be VERY selective on the advice I took – without hurting anyones feelings.
My Story
For me – In order to be a GREAT Leader I knew I had to be VERY selective on the advice I took – without hurting anyones feelings. I observed and didn’t follow beliefs when I couldn’t buy into when they were selling/promoting/preaching/pushing/requesting/consulting/requiring! I relied on my own beliefs of what defined a GREAT Leader and I led my teams with authenticity, engagement, transparency, trust, and honesty.
Most of all I tried my damnest to trust my own intuition.
Intuition Overhaul
Let’s be honest – there were times where I didn’t listen to my intuition. I forced myself to buy into my Leader’s ‘ideals’ of what a GREAT Leader is – I tried drinking (more like pounding) their Kool-Aid. The problem with this is that this was my ‘people pleasing’ tendencies coming out.
I wanted to belong so bad – I wanted my Leaders to want me to be their follower (uggg). So I ended up listening and executing advice provided that today I would never buy into — big-huge-horrible-no good bad decision!! Unfortunately during these times I ended up FAILING as a Leader, failing in being TRUE to me, and worst of all failing my team. I turned into a follower, not a Leader and a hard-core people pleaser. So the perfect employee?
I don’t want to knock any of my Leaders – here’s when the hurt feelings moment comes in.
I am grateful for all that I have learned from you! But the thing is – this post is about me and not YOU. What works for you – works for you. There may be nothing wrong with your practices as a Leader, but doesn’t mean they have to be my best practices. I have a different approach, and a different expectation for results…and that’s okay!
As for me – sounds cliche – I am proud of the Leader I have become.
Self-Reflection for YOU the Reader
- What is your definition of a GREAT Leader? What do you expect out of your Leader? Does your Leader align with your beliefs?
- Want to share your ‘battle scars’ in learning? Send me an email with your story – no names, or company names please. I will be pulling Good, Bad, Ugly stories together — a collection of learnings.
- What did you experience, and what did YOU learn from it.
Want to continue this conversation – drop me an email at jen@blankslatecoaching.ca .