Understanding and Challenging Yourself about Perceptions
Today we are tackling if your perceptions is telling you the truth. We will discuss how your perceptions of others may be FALSE and likely causing you unnecessary stress, sleepless nights and anxiety!
Perception: 1. a belief or opinion, often held by many people and based on how things seem: 2. the quality of being aware of things through the physical senses (especially sight).
Perspective: A particular perspective is a particular way of thinking about something, especially one that is influenced by your beliefs or experiences.
I can teach you how to identify and challenge your negative perceptions by changing your perspective by using a FOUR step process.
My promise to you is that this exercise will help you find clarity in your thinking, feelings, and reduce stress related to false perceptions.
Have you ever uttered, or heard, the words:
- No one likes me.
- My friends don’t think I have style.
- They think I am dumb.
- No one wants to hang out with me.
- They think I am dumb.
- My friends don’t think I have style.
Unfortunately – it happens to the best of us – we struggle in sorting through the negative and assumed perceptions in our heads. Look around – your friends, family, social media, the stranger at the bus stop, the co-worker down the hall – they might be all watching…. judging ….. assuming ….. plotting …… ummmmmm are they?? Really? Really Really??
Without validation we start to build in our minds that these negative assumptions of other peoples perception of us are true. We may think and re-think it over and over again – making the false thinking more real and legit in our minds.
Here’s How it Could Go Down:
Perception: Jane was glaring at you from you across the room. John didn’t react to a joke you told. Co-worker Sally quickly ran past your office yesterday – and the day before. Jacob didn’t talk to you at the last gathering. Your BFF Mary didn’t notice your new shirt.
Assumption: Jane was glaring at you from you across the room – oh man she must be mad at me! I must have done or said something wrong. John didn’t react to a joke you told – I am sooooo not funny, why do I even try – I am so embarrassed. Co-worker Sally quickly ran past your office yesterday – and the day before – Sally is clearly avoiding talking to me. She has a better job than me. Jacob didn’t talk to you at the last gathering – I am clearly not cool enough to talk to. BFF Mary didn’t notice your new shirt – she must think my shirt is brutal.
Reality: Jane was glaring at you from you across the room – she was trying to get the attention of someone behind you. John didn’t react to a joke you told – he missed the punch line and asked you to try again. Co-worker Sally quickly ran past your office yesterday – and the day before – Sally loves to run! It keeps her active and she is on a tight deadline. Jacob didn’t talk to you at the last gathering – Jacob left early, he wasn’t feeling good. BFF Mary didn’t notice your new shirt – we had so much fun together at the concert!
So Why Can’t We Just Ignore this Negative False Thinking?
This is the power of internal perception without validation – or maybe we can call it ‘False Thinking?’
False Thinking can be all-consuming and exhausting. Sorting through all your senses and assumptions with false thinking can be very challenging to control – or stop.
Even if we deal with just one falsity, there could be ten more waiting for debate. Ultimately when we start to believe the negative perceptions we are giving-up the fight – the mental debate – and accept the falsities as our new realities.
Mind Memory: We need to actually WORK-OUT …. with our mind
Much like muscle memory we have to train and re-train our brains to challenge the negative perceptions that we are buying into.
Muscle memory is a form of procedural memory that involves consolidating a specific motor task into memory through repetition, which has been used synonymously with motor learning.
Wikipedia
How do we Train our Brains?
One way to start is to acknowledge that our perception may be wrong or inaccurate.
As like muscle memory, a mind memory work-out, takes time and patience. This is not a one and done solution – it is a constant practise. It also takes conscious recognition of when negative perception is at work – and then to apply tools to challenge this line of thinking.
Next we need to challenge our assumptions by fact finding. We can do this by finding tangible validation — actual real proof of the so-called negative assumptions.
When we are challenging the negative we are listening intently to our intuition, and working with our vulnerability to challenge our thinking. The end result – reliance building.
Tangible Validation — Changing Our Perspective
Let’s be honest – I have gone through this, and so have so many of my clients. We all had to work hard at re-train our thinking to stop listening and believing false perceptions.
One Trick of the Trade ➾ Changing your perspective of situations. Instead of giving into the perceived negative – challenging the negativity both internally and externally. We can’t get inside someone’s head without asking!
Ultimately we need to HARD STOP making assumptions of others perceptions about us.
The Not So Secret How To!
Well is super EASY yet super AWKWARD ➾ ➾ ➾ ➾
ASK the person what they were thinking if your thoughts go straight to negative assumptions! This will require you to challenge your vulnerability and resilience.
Heads up: I personally still work on managing my perceptions today – and every day!! But it has become less and less exhausting as I building up my mind memory…my resilience.
I heavily rely on my vulnerability and intuition to support me. If I feel that I am battling a thought or feeling that may not be true – I challenge the thought by mentally and physically challenge it.
Wrap Up – Get to Work and Challenge Your Perceptions (False Thinking)
Yes these conversation can be awkward – but in 99% of the cases the negative perceptions/assumptions you have are not true!
Examples of How Do ask about Your Negative Perceptions – False Thinking
- “Hey Jane – Have I done something to offend you – I feel like you were giving me ‘the glare’?”
- “John – You didn’t laugh at my joke? Am I really not that funny lol?”
- “Yo Sally – Slow Down! What’s the rush? Is there something I could help you with?”
- “Hi Jacob – We didn’t get to chat yesterday at the gathering – is everything okay? I tried to find you to catch up.”
- “Mary – The concert was so much fun!! My new shirt was so fun to rock out in!”
Let’s Put Your Perceptions (False Thinking) on Trial.….and end the debate!
Is your Perception really telling you the truth?
Tools Required: Piece of paper (say your journal – wink wink), an open mind, a dash of vulnerability, and the willingness to challenge your perspective!
Next We will….
- Call out a common phrase you may have said to yourself – “The Perception Statement.”
- Dive into some Fact Checking – audit the false thinking.
- Do some Homework – and no this won’t hurt.
- Change your Perspective!
Statement: “No One Likes Me”
- Fact Finding:
- Have you actually heard the words ‘I don’t like you!’
- Check your phone – go through and find the most recent text of someone that reached out to you. What did the conversation feel like? How many ongoing chats do you have?
- Who have you seen in the last week – did they say hello to you? Did they ask ‘what’s new’ or ‘how’s it going’?
- Homework:
- Write out a list of all your friends / family / co-workers that you enjoy hanging out with.
- For each person on your list indicate the when was the last time you reached out or talked to.
- Who is making the effort to reach out – you or the person on your list?
- Read the Blog on – Close Friend vs. Friend
- Change your perspective:
- If you feel like someones doesn’t like you, then find people that you Like/Love and spend your energy with those people.
- If you don’t know if your ‘friends’ like you – be bold and ask. Test out your vulnerability and resilience!
- Scary to do yes, but it will stop your mind from questioning like-ability.
- Focus your energy with those that you trust, and who trust you. Be open, vulnerable and honest with your close friends – tell them how you feel.
- If you feel like you need a friendship overall? Let’s chat! I have a program designed to help you navigate through this challenge – you are not alone.
Statement: “My Friends Think I have no style”
- Fact Finding:
- Has your close friends told you that you have no style?
- Are you assuming you have no style, or are you assuming that people feel you have no style?
- What is your definition about style? (and no not social media’s definition – yours!)
- Homework:
- Write out your definition of style. Identify in your closet what aligns with this definition.
- What bothers you truly about your style? Write it out.
- Open your closet and stare at your clothes – just do it.
- If your closet is bulging – maybe it is time to declutter it (oh how do I love a good purge). Refer to your style definition.
- Challenge – consider the last time you wore that piece of clothing. Has it been over 18 months? Why are you holding on to it?
- Change your perspective – Be inspired by what you see. Be You. Be Confident in You. Wear the clothes that make you shine in confidence – inside and out.
- Find what you love and wear it with confidence. You can be beautiful – regardless of what you are wearing.
- Your style is your style – embrace it.
- Stop scrolling through Instagram – searching for comparison.
- Stop assuming you should look like these online peeps – remember some of them have paid a SHIT load of money for those clothes, or someone paid them to wear these clothes, and to top it off most likely have someone else dressing them.
Statement: “They think I am dumb”
- Fact Finding:
- First off – Ask yourself who are ‘they’ – are ‘they’ truly your friends?
- Has someone said directly to you – ‘you are dumb’.
- If you heard someone said this – sorry this does not count.
- Homework:
- What is your definition of dumb? Write it out.
- Make a list of those individuals that you feel think you are dumb.
- Be bold and ask them – for everyone that says ‘yes you are dumb’ cross them off your friend list – these are not your people. #sorrynotsorry
- Change your perspective:
- If you have friends or family that have verbally told you that you are dumb – walk away. I would encourage you to not spend any more of time and energy with these people. These are not your people.
- What about Book Smarts?? Taking lots of courses, or reading a ton of books, does not necessarily make you smart. The knowledge you have is powerful based on what you do with the information – books or no books.
- Define your ‘smartness’ on your passion, interests, vulnerability and resilience. This is what makes you brilliant. Promise.
CHALLENGE Your Perceptions When Negative Thoughts are Cluttering Your Mind (and your sleep).
Challenge to yourself – Is your Perception really telling you the truth?
Right Now STOP Assuming – START Asking.
START Fact Finding!
I promise – I guarantee – that by challenging your negative thoughts on perception with Fact Finding will save YOU energy, you will sleep better, be more confident and hopefully you will be happier.
If you come across someone that validates your negative thoughts then we need to have another conversation. I would appreciate you taking the time to call me and let’s work through it.
Like What You are Reading? Well Thank you 🙏 – much appreciated!
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